I feel like I’m watching too much porn

It's normal to have a mix of emotions when watching porn. Just because you like watching something doesn’t mean you want to do it or would enjoy it in real life.

We can feel both turned on and disgusted at the same time . That's because while we might enjoy or be aroused by what see on screen (such as content that is humiliating), it can conflict with our own values (such as being kind and compassionate). This contradiction can in turn create uncomfortable feelings and shame. Again, know that this is actually a very common reaction and you are not alone in feeling this way.

Understanding some of the values that are shown in porn and how they differ from your own might help you understand where the feelings are coming from and why. What we desire can change over time and is affected by what we consume, from general media to porn, so it’s good to be aware of these feelings. It’s also good to have an understanding of what more ethical sex looks like.

One way to feel better about your feelings is to share them with others. If you feel comfortable, you can talk to a trusted friend, family member, or professional about the feelings that have been brought up.

If you watch a lot of porn, you might find yourself comparing your own body to the bodies of the actors you’re watching. This can lead you to feeling bad about your own appearance, and can affect your confidence and self-esteem.

Unfortunately, feeling bad about our bodies is increasingly normal in our world which has so much media. Actors and influencers you see on screen have often had work done or are using filters to make themselves look more 'sexy’.

When you are alone you can get lost in watching porn. This can feel like you are with the people on the screen, seeing what they're seeing, and doing what they're doing. Your mind is ‘tricked’ into believing that you have had social and sexual interaction when actually your body has been deprived of actual social and physical contact with other people.

Especially since the pandemic, it’s important to make the effort to connect with friends offline. If you feel like you are choosing to stay home instead of going out, it may be worth reflecting on why that is and setting some goals for how much you’d like to hang out in real life. Booking stuff in or making a plan can be helpful.

Watching too much porn can also affect your body and mind in other ways. Watching a lot of porn can make you less sensitive to sexual experiences offline. So when you're alone, you may feel the need to watch more porn, or more extreme porn, to get off, and if you are with a partner you may need to think about or watch porn to orgasm.

There are exercises like mindfulness and body scans which you can use to reconnect with your own body. Physical activity can help you reconnect with and celebrate your body, and not just worry about how you ‘look’ compared to something you have watched on screen.

Understanding why you are watching porn can help you figure out how to change your habits. Habits generally work like this: you have a trigger (for example, if you’re bored, lonely, or horny), you engage in a behaviour (for eample, watching porn and masturbating), you get a reward (for example, getting pleasure in the moment, distraction, entertainment).

Knowing your triggers can help you swap out the behaviour of watching porn for something else. For example, if you’re watching porn because you’re lonely, you might want to consider taking up new hobbies or going on more social activities, or if you’re watching porn because you’re horny, you might consider masturbating without porn.

Over time, you can train your brain to associate different responses (like listening to music or getting active) to different triggers (feeling lonely or bored), which could help you reduce your porn use.

Most people watch porn from time to time. Taking it from being something secret and shameful to something you can discuss and unpack with others could be a good way to break the cycle of watching and feeling bad about it.

If appropriate, talking to a trusted, non-judgmental friend, family member or a professional, like your GP or a counsellor, about your concerns could help.